Mission Update 001

Mission Update 001

The Mission got off to a rocky start. The early part of the Mission seemed like things were going well. I worked out Monday and Tuesday. On 2 separate occasions I was treated to Italian, my favorite food in the world, and chose a large grilled chicken salad over a carb-heavy pasta dish. I turned down a birthday cake. Things were looking great until mid week. That’s when my depression started creeping and I started feeling like crap emotionally. I was upset and bogged down with the feels and did what I always do in said situations: I sat around, dwelling on everything, and eating my feelings. Every good food decision I had made earlier in the week was undone by angry eating. It was horrible and I felt horrible doing it. It did not make me feel any better it just changed what was messing with my head.

By the weekend I had stopped working out and was eating all the crap. Honestly, other than the occasional snack size candy bar out of the leftover Halloween candy, what I ate was not all THAT bad I just ate for the wrong reasons and way too much. I began to think about why I was doing this I had an apostrophe. People who battle with depression tend to find a coping mechanism. Not everyone chooses a healthy mechanism. This is where cutting, drugs, alcohol, and other destructive vices come into play. Clearly my emotional eating is a coping mechanism but I am beginning to question the motive behind it. I am not eating to feel happy, because it doesn’t make me feel happy. Perhaps I am eating to have some kind of control in the absence of such.

Back to the Mission. Monday the 10th was better. I worked out, though I was not really into it. I did really well on the food but that was about it. My on-going depression was the biggest roadblock this week. I have done pretty well with my food, save for the belated birthday cake someone gave me. The deliciousness of that cake equaled the hate I felt for myself for having eaten it, but I did not want to be rude. It did not take me long to realize that I have lost the self-discipline needed to work out at home right now. I need some way to jump start a routine to help make it a habit. I have looked into a few options. I really like the DDP Yoga program but with my schedule, making the time is difficult. I need to do something soon since I am already behind schedule.

Looking at the specific Mission Objectives for Phase I, things are not going well to start:

Fitness

• Complete DDP Yoga
• I’ve only done about half of the workouts for the last 2 weeks
• Complete C25K
• have not even started
• Get below 300
• no idea, only weigh in once a month

Diet

• Track as much food as possible
• about 80% of everything tracked
• Minimal sugar intake (including carbs)
• not terrible other than a few emotional snacks and the birthday cake
• No bored/stress/travel snacking
• had a few setbacks as mentioned above and slipped a few times on breakfast

Life

• Less frivolous spending
• this has been really good, save for a few QuikTrip stops for breakfast/coffee
• Improve time management/make better use of time/stay on task
• not great, I am easily distra HEY LOOK A DUCK!
• Do something creative just for me for at least 1 hour a week
• not even a little bit, though I have a project to work on I just need to get the materials

The entire reason for the slow start is my depression. As I have explained before I have very bad seasonal depression and it is taking longer than usual to come out of it. I am not sleeping well so I am more tired than usual, and emotionally I just do not feel like doing anything. I just kind of am. Hopefully things will pick up soon, because Phase I Ops are vital to completing the overall Mission. Until next time may the Force be with you and may the Power protect you.

\m/ THERE IS NO TRY \m/