This blog will get its full relaunch in January but to prepare and bring everyone up to speed I will close out 2015 with a 4-issue mini series establishing the new status quo (though a lot of this has been covered in previous posts). With that, here is issue #1 - 2012: Progress and Pain
We begin with the TARDIS controls set to 2012. Early that year I entered a Biggest Loser contest at work. I had done so once before but did not really do much. This time I was all in. I had recently found the app LoseIt and was tracking my food and my workouts but had not really used it much. I began tracking everything and lost over 30 pounds during the contest. I did lose the contest but I was very proud of my progress. My workout of choice was GSP Rushfit and the Couch to 5K program. I was working out 6 days a week and running almost every day and got down close to 250lbs. I was able to run non stop for 10 minutes which is an AMAZING accomplishment for me. I will admit that I let things slip a bit over that summer but stayed the course.
Since I was completing the Couch to 5K program I figured I should sign up for a race. I started looking for local races and discovered the crazy world of obstacle course races. I started doing some research and found the Mighty Mud Dash was being held near me in November. I was immediately hooked and started training to run the race. I got to within a month of the race and tragedy struck. I had been experiencing a lot of pain and popping in my left knee but I was trying to muscle through it. The pain reached an apex when I fell off the treadmill. My wife and I decided it was time to go to the doctor. I went to the doctor and they sent me for an MRI and referred me to an orthopedic specialist. The specialist gave me to bad news: I had torn my left medial meniscus and would need surgery to fix it....and the race was off.
I was devastated. I had worked so hard for so long and just when the goal was in sight it was taken away. Early November 2012 I had surgery to repair my damaged knee and spent the rest of the year setting up decorations for what would become and VERY long pity party. 2012 did end on a pleasant note, however. A day or so after Christmas my wife and I found out we were having a baby! If this were a comic book this would be the last panel where my wife and I are looking at the pregnancy test with a tease for the next issue.
And here is the preview for the next issue. As 2013 begins I am faced with many new challenges, changes, and a chance to overcome the setback of late 2012. How will I handle all these new things in my life? Found out in Issue #2 - 2013: The Pity Party. Spoiler alert: not well.
Lets start with a little background. I relaunched this blog back in 2012 to document my fitness routine after my son told me I was too fat to be a Power Ranger. You can go back and look at the backlog for all of that. Then this happened: Knee Surgery Post. Then a whole lot of nothing to back up all that posturing. Then this happened: More of the Same BS. Now it is just over a year after my knee surgery and I have let everything go and then some. 2012 might as well have not happened. I have put back on more weight than I lost thanks to a big stinking pity party over my knee. I stepped on the scale the other day to see what the holidays had done to my already awful situation and I was crushed. I had broken a promise to myself. I swore I would never break 300 lbs again and last Monday morning I weighed in at 300.4. Letting myself go before was one thing but seeing that number on the scale was the last straw.
Back in 2012 I had decided that I wanted to do a mud run obstacle course 5K thing. I have never been a big fan of running and doing a 5K never really appealed to me. Then I heard about a zombie 5K and it sounded great. I wanted to do it with some friends but no one was really down and it was way out of town and it was just not a good thing. I found a MUCH closer run that was just an obstacle course and it looked so much fun. I decided it was the closest I would ever get to being on Ninja Warrior. Well my knee injury ended all that. I signed up for a few more runs after that but never went through with them for one reason or another. After a year of feeling sorry for myself I decided that the pity party ends NOW. Through a Groupon, a discount for canceling, and a New Year's sale I have signed up for 3 races this year. I will be doing The Survival Race on April 27th, Mud Factor on June 21st, and ending with Savage Race on September 13th. It just so happened that my first race is in 104 days, thus the lame attempt at a Phineas and Ferb joke to kick this off.
So what will I be doing to get in shape for this thing? Well, here is the basic plan: DDP Yoga, GSP RushFit, battle ropes (in my case an old firehose), tires, boxing, running programs Couch to 5K and Zombies, RUN!, my Fitbit Zip, and a number of fitness apps such as Runkeeper, LoseIt, and mapmyfitness. That sounds like a lot but hear me out. The main things I will be doing are the running programs, DDP Yoga, and RushFit. Those are my constants. When the weather balances back out I will be using a strength training routine I devised from hours of research utilizing battle ropes and tires. When I am not able to go outside to for that routine RushFit will serve as my strength training program as well as my go-to ab workout. Lastly, the boxing is because it is a helluva workout and SO much fun!
Over the next several weeks this blog will return to being a record of my fitness journey as well as covering some of the things I am using and why I am using them. It will be hard work but I have done it before and I know I can do it again. I know diet will be my biggest obstacle to overcome. My baby is starting to sleep through the night and is getting on a more regular schedule so that will help as well. I actually have the energy at the end of the day now to get a workout in. As long as I manage my time, manage my diet, and stay focused I should be just fine.
I am a horrible blogger. Let's just establish that right now. I have great intentions I just never seem to make the time to do it. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say. I have used this blog as mostly a fitness type thing. That is part of the reason that I have not had a new post since January.* I said in the January post that {bleep} was about to get real. Well, hang on tight because it is confession time. This will be one of the most personal posts I have ever written, but I need to clear the air. So, without further adieu...
Hi, I'm Christopher and I'm a poser/phony/liar/hypocrite/fraud/{insert similar synonyms here}
Now, you may be asking yourself why I am being so hard on myself. Because someone has to, and it is true. A little over a year ago I decided, not really sure why, that it was way past time to get in shape (besides round). I did really well. I was running every day and working out almost every day. My progress is well-documented on this blog. I slacked off during the summer, which is where the downward slide began. I used the excuse that it was too hot but that was exactly what it was. An excuse. And one of many. If you follow this blog closely, and God love you if you do because I am not sure I follow this blog very closely, this may all sound like deja-vu. It is. I made a similar post almost a year ago. This is going to be much more personal. Fast forward to October 2012. I was all geared up to do the Might Mud Dash in November. I'd had a nagging knee injury for months but I just thought it was because I have been fat longer than I haven't.** Turns out it was a torn meniscus. I had surgery, could not do the run, blah, blah, blah poor me. Check the back logs if you want to whole whiny epic.
I let me knee beat me. I used it as the ultimate crutch and excuse. I was afraid to push it again. Yoda is absolutely right. Fear led to anger that I lost so much progress. Anger led to me hating myself for allowing it to happen. Hate led to suffering a lot of depression. I have lost the pride I had found in how great I had done. I have lost the new-found respect I have developed. I am disappointed in myself for allowing this setback to undo all my hard work.
Now what does this have to do with my declaration of being a phony? Well I talk a big game about working out and training for runs and such and a year ago it was all true. Now, that is all it is. Talk. And cheap talk to boot. I a member of LoseIt, Fitocracy, Nexercise, Runkeeper, and MapMyRun. I have all these apps including Zombies, RUN! (in my defense of that one I am on the 5K Trainer version so no runs to track yet) on my phone and I don't use any of them. I drink 2 protein shakes a day and have a protein bar as a snack. That alone is almost 75 grams of protein a day not counting whatever else is in my food. You would think I work out three times a day with that much protein intake. You would be so wrong. I barely work out three time a WEEK. I have not had a decent workout really since before my surgery. I have tried and gone through the motions but my head and my heart have not been in it. I am letting a lot of external forces in that are zapping my motivation and drive.
Lets look at then vs now:
Then: worked out almost every day -- Now: barely workout at all
Then: watched what I ate very closely -- Now: eat whatever, whenever
Then: did not snack much if at all -- Now: munch off and on most of the night
Then: tracked everything I ate and all activities -- Now: barely keep track of anything
And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on. So what changed? My state of mind did. I used to come home from work, get in a quick run on the treadmill, make dinner, then go work out for an hour. Now I come home, make a snack, sit on my butt, make dinner, sit on my butt some more, and pretty much eat off and on until I decide to go to bed. I would have chips and salsa, candy, graze dinner leftovers, fruit (not often enough), ice cream. Hell, sometimes I will make a small sandwich at 11pm just because I am bored, my stomach growls, I can't find anything on TV to watch, and I just do not want to go to bed (that is a whole different issue). I know this all stems from my depression. I allowed my knee injury and surgery to get inside my head. Between the injury, the lost momentum, the stress over how much the surgery cost (my insurance sucks), and the usual stresses I deal with (work, money, etc.) I have stopped trying and accepted defeat. I have put on most, if not all the weight I lost last year. I am taking the easy way out of things. Such as I was going to do a 5K this month and I was all too happy to back out of it for a "family conflict."***
The point of all this is if I "walked" as much as I "talked" I would look like Ryan Reynolds by now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see because I know I let all of this happen. I tell myself that I should get back on track but then I start with all the reasons not to. It feels like a little voice in my head that keeps talking me out of doing anything. I have a skinny angel and a fat devil on my shoulders. The skinny angel says "Hey, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it!" The fat devil says "Or...you could get some chips and salsa and marathon Firefly." The fat devil usually wins. Here is a glimpse into my psyche when I think about working out. Warning: this is pretty much stream of consciousnesses...
i really should go for a run but it is cold outside cant run in the cold it makes my lungs hurt if i try to run too much i will hurt my knee more and it will be really bad i could go box in the fortress it is not that cold out there but it is kind of late and i ate a big dinner and i will get sick i could do the tires but again it is cold and it just rained so it is wet and it might rain again so better not risk it if i push myself too hard my knee with hurt again my knee hurts right now i better not push it i can start doing rushfit again on monday that will not work because i will not be home tuesday because james has a game and i wont be able to workout on thursday because i have to work late so why even start if i cant do it everyday i can try to adapt the program since i have completed it once before already and just do certain workouts and mix tires and boxing in around it i am really tired i have a cold my knee hurts i have to post the podcast i have to work on the yearbook i should really clean the kitchen and the boys room and the bathroom i think i need to cut my hair i need to see if there is an update on twitter or facebook look there is a new trailer for a comic book movie on youtube man i am hungry and really do not have anything else to do but i am not sure if i am really hungry or just bored but i really dont care because it will give me something to do i really hope steph does not hear the microwave go off because i dont want to explain that i am eating again since it is so late maybe i will just wait for her to go to bed but i really should not eat at 11 at night but if i am hungry i should eat something right
That is just a little bit about how my evening runs most of the time. I have gotten REALLY good at convincing myself that I should not work out. I love watching UFC and The Ultimate Fighter and I find inspiration in their training sessions as I sit on my butt and eat some more. I really do not like myself right now. The great irony is that my depression and stress are why I am allowing myself to not workout and eat all the time and the consequences of those actions are making me more depressed. I am hoping by airing all of this publicly it will help. I am not really sure what to do to get out of this current mental and emotional funk I am in but something needs to happen and happen soon. I just feel grey right now, much like the rain cloud about this paragraph. I'm a little black rain cloud but not in the cute Pooh kind of way. This is not a cry for help, this is not sympathy ploy, and this is not a pity party (at least I don't mean it to be). This is my coming clean with the {bleep} I have been slinging for the last 4 months. This is also about holding myself accountable.
I have been a member of Nerd Fitness for along time and thanks to the Facebook page I have discovered Project Reroll and have found a lot of inspiration from both sites. Steve has some really good articles and I need to go back and re-read some of them. Seriously, you need to check out the site. It is a great way to look at fitness, especially for the nerd community. If you like it, join the forums. I have tried completing the 6-week challenge and have not had the best luck with that. Quick shout-out to forum members surge_supra and jstanlick. They have been my biggest supporters in the challenges and I feel like I have let them down. They are good people. I have gone through the motions on most of it. I need pull the cartridge, blow on it, push it up and down, and try again. Baby steps...
Step 1: I actually quit drinking sodas (or cokes as we call it in Texas, even if it is not Coke). Not sure why, just did. I have not had a soft drink in over a month. Coffee, tea, and water. And non-sweetened tea when possible****
Step 2: I am actively running again and I am working on running with proper form this time. As of this writing I have run once, but I did it with proper form and it was a major difference. My legs hurt like never before from running but I am a big fan of the benefits this new form is bringing.
So, in closing, I am going to evaluate things, find my mojo/inspiration/motivation/etc. and try to live up to the persona I am trying to convey. Honestly, part of my disliking of myself right now is related to the fact that I feel like I am deceiving everyone. I am going to come up with a new plan and will post my strategy for "Project Reset Button". Huzzah!
\m/ IS NO TRY \m/
*I REALLY need to stop posting about posting more often. It seems the more I do that the less I end up actually posting anything.
**Yes, I am using the word FAT. I am not using obese, overweight, or any other PC term... I AM FAT. And yes this is self-deprecating but it is tough love on my part. Just go with it.
***This is a legit conflict, don't get me wrong. But I still could have said I had a 5K to do that morning.
****There is no such thing as UNsweet tea. It comes that way. There is not process that removes the sweet from tea. It is tea or sweet tea. If you need a distiction say NON-sweetened tea.
This is the beginning of a new series. This series will serve two purposes. The first is to force me to post more often. The second is to document my training for my mud run. On November 10th I am going to do the most difficult thing I have ever done. I am competing in the Might Mud Dash. It is an obstacle course 5K with 20 military-style obstacles... all in the mud. Watch the videos to see an example of some of the craziness I am about to put myself through. This is the culmination of my Fat Free Apocalypse and is really just to prove to myself that I can. The title serves as a countdown to the event. My plan is to post SOMETHING each day leading up to the event. Most of the time is will be a "review" of my workout the previous day. That being said... here is my first post.
My workout for 09/10: NOT A DAMN THING... I have been a bit stressed and depressed lately which has led to me getting very little sleep. Due to that I have been crashing out way early instead of working out. The way I see it, if I am falling asleep trying to eat dinner I clearly need the rest. I am trying to find ways to get my sleep patterns back on track and force the workouts. Hopefully tonight will be better.
