This blog will get its full relaunch in January but to prepare and bring everyone up to speed I will close out 2015 with a 4-issue mini series establishing the new status quo (though a lot of this has been covered in previous posts). With that, here is issue #1 - 2012: Progress and Pain
We begin with the TARDIS controls set to 2012. Early that year I entered a Biggest Loser contest at work. I had done so once before but did not really do much. This time I was all in. I had recently found the app LoseIt and was tracking my food and my workouts but had not really used it much. I began tracking everything and lost over 30 pounds during the contest. I did lose the contest but I was very proud of my progress. My workout of choice was GSP Rushfit and the Couch to 5K program. I was working out 6 days a week and running almost every day and got down close to 250lbs. I was able to run non stop for 10 minutes which is an AMAZING accomplishment for me. I will admit that I let things slip a bit over that summer but stayed the course.
Since I was completing the Couch to 5K program I figured I should sign up for a race. I started looking for local races and discovered the crazy world of obstacle course races. I started doing some research and found the Mighty Mud Dash was being held near me in November. I was immediately hooked and started training to run the race. I got to within a month of the race and tragedy struck. I had been experiencing a lot of pain and popping in my left knee but I was trying to muscle through it. The pain reached an apex when I fell off the treadmill. My wife and I decided it was time to go to the doctor. I went to the doctor and they sent me for an MRI and referred me to an orthopedic specialist. The specialist gave me to bad news: I had torn my left medial meniscus and would need surgery to fix it....and the race was off.
I was devastated. I had worked so hard for so long and just when the goal was in sight it was taken away. Early November 2012 I had surgery to repair my damaged knee and spent the rest of the year setting up decorations for what would become and VERY long pity party. 2012 did end on a pleasant note, however. A day or so after Christmas my wife and I found out we were having a baby! If this were a comic book this would be the last panel where my wife and I are looking at the pregnancy test with a tease for the next issue.
And here is the preview for the next issue. As 2013 begins I am faced with many new challenges, changes, and a chance to overcome the setback of late 2012. How will I handle all these new things in my life? Found out in Issue #2 - 2013: The Pity Party. Spoiler alert: not well.
I am a horrible blogger. Let's just establish that right now. I have great intentions I just never seem to make the time to do it. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say. I have used this blog as mostly a fitness type thing. That is part of the reason that I have not had a new post since January.* I said in the January post that {bleep} was about to get real. Well, hang on tight because it is confession time. This will be one of the most personal posts I have ever written, but I need to clear the air. So, without further adieu...
Hi, I'm Christopher and I'm a poser/phony/liar/hypocrite/fraud/{insert similar synonyms here}
Now, you may be asking yourself why I am being so hard on myself. Because someone has to, and it is true. A little over a year ago I decided, not really sure why, that it was way past time to get in shape (besides round). I did really well. I was running every day and working out almost every day. My progress is well-documented on this blog. I slacked off during the summer, which is where the downward slide began. I used the excuse that it was too hot but that was exactly what it was. An excuse. And one of many. If you follow this blog closely, and God love you if you do because I am not sure I follow this blog very closely, this may all sound like deja-vu. It is. I made a similar post almost a year ago. This is going to be much more personal. Fast forward to October 2012. I was all geared up to do the Might Mud Dash in November. I'd had a nagging knee injury for months but I just thought it was because I have been fat longer than I haven't.** Turns out it was a torn meniscus. I had surgery, could not do the run, blah, blah, blah poor me. Check the back logs if you want to whole whiny epic.
I let me knee beat me. I used it as the ultimate crutch and excuse. I was afraid to push it again. Yoda is absolutely right. Fear led to anger that I lost so much progress. Anger led to me hating myself for allowing it to happen. Hate led to suffering a lot of depression. I have lost the pride I had found in how great I had done. I have lost the new-found respect I have developed. I am disappointed in myself for allowing this setback to undo all my hard work.
Now what does this have to do with my declaration of being a phony? Well I talk a big game about working out and training for runs and such and a year ago it was all true. Now, that is all it is. Talk. And cheap talk to boot. I a member of LoseIt, Fitocracy, Nexercise, Runkeeper, and MapMyRun. I have all these apps including Zombies, RUN! (in my defense of that one I am on the 5K Trainer version so no runs to track yet) on my phone and I don't use any of them. I drink 2 protein shakes a day and have a protein bar as a snack. That alone is almost 75 grams of protein a day not counting whatever else is in my food. You would think I work out three times a day with that much protein intake. You would be so wrong. I barely work out three time a WEEK. I have not had a decent workout really since before my surgery. I have tried and gone through the motions but my head and my heart have not been in it. I am letting a lot of external forces in that are zapping my motivation and drive.
Lets look at then vs now:
Then: worked out almost every day -- Now: barely workout at all
Then: watched what I ate very closely -- Now: eat whatever, whenever
Then: did not snack much if at all -- Now: munch off and on most of the night
Then: tracked everything I ate and all activities -- Now: barely keep track of anything
And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on. So what changed? My state of mind did. I used to come home from work, get in a quick run on the treadmill, make dinner, then go work out for an hour. Now I come home, make a snack, sit on my butt, make dinner, sit on my butt some more, and pretty much eat off and on until I decide to go to bed. I would have chips and salsa, candy, graze dinner leftovers, fruit (not often enough), ice cream. Hell, sometimes I will make a small sandwich at 11pm just because I am bored, my stomach growls, I can't find anything on TV to watch, and I just do not want to go to bed (that is a whole different issue). I know this all stems from my depression. I allowed my knee injury and surgery to get inside my head. Between the injury, the lost momentum, the stress over how much the surgery cost (my insurance sucks), and the usual stresses I deal with (work, money, etc.) I have stopped trying and accepted defeat. I have put on most, if not all the weight I lost last year. I am taking the easy way out of things. Such as I was going to do a 5K this month and I was all too happy to back out of it for a "family conflict."***
The point of all this is if I "walked" as much as I "talked" I would look like Ryan Reynolds by now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see because I know I let all of this happen. I tell myself that I should get back on track but then I start with all the reasons not to. It feels like a little voice in my head that keeps talking me out of doing anything. I have a skinny angel and a fat devil on my shoulders. The skinny angel says "Hey, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it!" The fat devil says "Or...you could get some chips and salsa and marathon Firefly." The fat devil usually wins. Here is a glimpse into my psyche when I think about working out. Warning: this is pretty much stream of consciousnesses...
i really should go for a run but it is cold outside cant run in the cold it makes my lungs hurt if i try to run too much i will hurt my knee more and it will be really bad i could go box in the fortress it is not that cold out there but it is kind of late and i ate a big dinner and i will get sick i could do the tires but again it is cold and it just rained so it is wet and it might rain again so better not risk it if i push myself too hard my knee with hurt again my knee hurts right now i better not push it i can start doing rushfit again on monday that will not work because i will not be home tuesday because james has a game and i wont be able to workout on thursday because i have to work late so why even start if i cant do it everyday i can try to adapt the program since i have completed it once before already and just do certain workouts and mix tires and boxing in around it i am really tired i have a cold my knee hurts i have to post the podcast i have to work on the yearbook i should really clean the kitchen and the boys room and the bathroom i think i need to cut my hair i need to see if there is an update on twitter or facebook look there is a new trailer for a comic book movie on youtube man i am hungry and really do not have anything else to do but i am not sure if i am really hungry or just bored but i really dont care because it will give me something to do i really hope steph does not hear the microwave go off because i dont want to explain that i am eating again since it is so late maybe i will just wait for her to go to bed but i really should not eat at 11 at night but if i am hungry i should eat something right
That is just a little bit about how my evening runs most of the time. I have gotten REALLY good at convincing myself that I should not work out. I love watching UFC and The Ultimate Fighter and I find inspiration in their training sessions as I sit on my butt and eat some more. I really do not like myself right now. The great irony is that my depression and stress are why I am allowing myself to not workout and eat all the time and the consequences of those actions are making me more depressed. I am hoping by airing all of this publicly it will help. I am not really sure what to do to get out of this current mental and emotional funk I am in but something needs to happen and happen soon. I just feel grey right now, much like the rain cloud about this paragraph. I'm a little black rain cloud but not in the cute Pooh kind of way. This is not a cry for help, this is not sympathy ploy, and this is not a pity party (at least I don't mean it to be). This is my coming clean with the {bleep} I have been slinging for the last 4 months. This is also about holding myself accountable.
I have been a member of Nerd Fitness for along time and thanks to the Facebook page I have discovered Project Reroll and have found a lot of inspiration from both sites. Steve has some really good articles and I need to go back and re-read some of them. Seriously, you need to check out the site. It is a great way to look at fitness, especially for the nerd community. If you like it, join the forums. I have tried completing the 6-week challenge and have not had the best luck with that. Quick shout-out to forum members surge_supra and jstanlick. They have been my biggest supporters in the challenges and I feel like I have let them down. They are good people. I have gone through the motions on most of it. I need pull the cartridge, blow on it, push it up and down, and try again. Baby steps...
Step 1: I actually quit drinking sodas (or cokes as we call it in Texas, even if it is not Coke). Not sure why, just did. I have not had a soft drink in over a month. Coffee, tea, and water. And non-sweetened tea when possible****
Step 2: I am actively running again and I am working on running with proper form this time. As of this writing I have run once, but I did it with proper form and it was a major difference. My legs hurt like never before from running but I am a big fan of the benefits this new form is bringing.
So, in closing, I am going to evaluate things, find my mojo/inspiration/motivation/etc. and try to live up to the persona I am trying to convey. Honestly, part of my disliking of myself right now is related to the fact that I feel like I am deceiving everyone. I am going to come up with a new plan and will post my strategy for "Project Reset Button". Huzzah!
\m/ IS NO TRY \m/
*I REALLY need to stop posting about posting more often. It seems the more I do that the less I end up actually posting anything.
**Yes, I am using the word FAT. I am not using obese, overweight, or any other PC term... I AM FAT. And yes this is self-deprecating but it is tough love on my part. Just go with it.
***This is a legit conflict, don't get me wrong. But I still could have said I had a 5K to do that morning.
****There is no such thing as UNsweet tea. It comes that way. There is not process that removes the sweet from tea. It is tea or sweet tea. If you need a distiction say NON-sweetened tea.
I have decided to take this blog in a much more personal direction. When I launched it I did not intend on it being a fitness blog, but it has become that. That will most likely be its primary function with other stuff sprinkled it. As it relates to the fitness stuff I am going to stop pulling punches, so to speak, and start being more honest and open about everything. I am shooting for one post per week right now. I really want to post more often but I have a lot of things on my plate right now. Stay tuned and bring the tissues.
I'm back! I have let this blog get away from me over the last few months, but there is a reason. I have been recovering from injury/surgery. In case you have not been following, here's the story...
I was training for an obstacle course 5K that was to take place in November. All Through my training U was fighting a nagging knee pain. Turns out that pain was actually a somewhat serious injury. I broke down and went to the doctor when I fell off the treadmill in pain. I had an MRI done and it was revealed that I had a "compound tear of the left medial meniscus and that was going to require surgery. That took me out of my race. I was very upset, to say the lest. Over two months of training and I was sidelined two weeks before the event. I had surgery on November 30th and everything went fine.
The surgery may have fixed my knee, but it broke something else...my spirit. Sorry if that sounds overly dramatic but it is the truth. I spent most of 2012 working out a eating better and I was fianlly going to prove to myself that I was not just the fat nerd that makes everyone laugh and that opportunity was taken away. I did more in 2012 than I have in my entire life up to that point combined. I lost about 50 lbs, lost several inches all over, dropped a shirt size, my belt did nto fit anymore, and my wedding ring fell off. The I hit the brick wall of this frakking knee.
I was very concerned that I would backslide during my recovery and I dd just that. I took my "do or do not" mantra a bit too literally and "did not." With the exception of eat all the things. I threw myself a fully catered pity party and ate the whole spread. Never let it be said that I don't have feeling...I have 20 lbs of them. And none of them tasted like happy. I have spent the last few months feeling sorry for myself and letting myself get lazy. I have noticed that my clothes are not loose like they were getting and I can see where I have put weight back on. Well I am here to declare NO MORE! This is not about a New Year's Resolution, it is about me getting off my lazy bum and getting back at it (it just happens to be January).
Now that you are up to speed.... where to go from here. I was scheduled for the Run For Your Lives Zombie 5K (my first 5K since I did not get to do my original first 5K) in March, but it was moved to the only weekend in June I have a conflict. Turns out that may not be a bad thing. I tried running last night for the first time: big mistake! About 45 seconds in to the run my knee let me know I was not ready for that. And it has continued to remind me not to try that again any time soon. For now I am focusing on body weight strength training. I am using a bike and walking to build up my knee and lower body work for strength. I bought a new punching bag over Christmas I am ready to try out and I am doing the RUSHFIT thing again. GSP is currently in training camp for his March 16th fight with Nick Diaz so I am doing Battle Camp and "training along with him". I am better than my knee injury and I will win.
I have not posted in a several days because I have barely had time to workout let alone blog about working out. Last Thursday I went to a concert with my dad (Aussie Floyd FTW), Friday I had dinner with my folks, Saturday I was podcasting all morning then spent the rest of the day with my folks again, Sunday I did a light workout, and Monday was a holiday with my kids so I spent that time with them. I got back at it last night and could tell I have been slacking the last few days. My run is picking up and my legs are about to fall off. I really need to get past my "I hate to warm up/cool down. I would rather just get to the workout" hangups and actually stretch. Things are beginning to settle back down with my schedule and I will be back on track by the end of the week. I am getting very nervous about this run. It is officially a month away and every time I think about it I get anxious. Perhaps that is part of why I am slacking. But as Yoda tells us: Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to hate, Hate leads...to suffering.
Side note: I signed up for another run! I know, right?!? The run that started this whole crazy plan is coming to DFW. More specifically to Forney, which is just right down the road. Since the location is what mainly stopped the Austin run, I have no excuse this time so I signed up (apparently all you have to do is tell me the price is about to increase and I will sign up). This run is in March so assuming the world does not end in December I will be tackling the Zombie Apocalypse!
Did a good run last night then a good (albeit once again interrupted) boxing workout. I just (and I do mean just as I closed the tab and open this one) ordered a new water bottle, new speed wraps, and knuckle protectors from Title MMA. They had a free shipping plus 10% off sale that I jumped on. Their shipping is so high that I try and place an order everytime they do free shipping. Their sister company Title Boxing (although I am not really sure what the difference is as they both seem to have the merchandise) had a similar sale a week or so ago but I had not gotten paid yet. This one hit just at the right time. Hopefully the knuckle protectors will do their job. My hands looks like I have really been fighting. I'm going to a concert tonight so there will be no working out. I'll be back at it Friday and this weekend.
I did the treadmill (C25K W3D2) last night along with a good tire workout. I was really nervous about the tires since that was when my arm went crazy. My wrist sounded like a bowl of Rice Krispies, but it did not hurt too bad. Got boxing and treadmill on deck for tonight. I am trying VERY hard not to get sick but I am not letting that stop me.
Side note: I have decided to stop weighing in every day. I am getting discouraged and frustrated at the inconsistency and fluctuation. I will have a good series of weigh-ins and then shoot up 4-5 lbs when nothing has changed. This would make sense if it was water weight or something and I was just bloated that day but it stays with me and I have to work it off again. That gets to be quite discouraging. I am just going to keep doing what I am doing and maybe weigh in once a week but I am avoiding the scale for the most part for the time being.
Too the day off. I am not feeling well (sinuses are being stupid) and my arm is still giving me trouble. I was going to run, but my wife was sick in bed and the treadmill is in the bedroom. *But can you just run outside?* No, I can't Running outside hurts my knees too much and plus it was raining. Wife's sickness permitting I am going to do treadmill tonight and either box or tires. I really want to get back to the tires, but I am worried about exacerbating my arm.
Got in a good run and a good boxing workout this weekend. My arm WAS getting better but now it hurts more than ever. I have a run due today and I am going to try the tires again I think. Hopefully that works for me.
The following section was written during a break I had around 10 am Thursday...
I decided to let my wrist chill a bit so I did W2D2 of C25K last night and that was all. I also started a challenge on NerdFitness to help with my accountability. Not much else to report today. I have to work late but I still plan on hitting the tires again. That will be the real wrist test. Hopefully I learned from my mistake.
I had to go so I held the post for a bit to come back and make sure I was done with it and never got back to it. This is why...
Well, workout did not happen last night. I got to work at 7:00 am as I usually do. I left work at 10:30 pm. Have not worked a 15 hour day in a long time. Needless to say, when I got home at nearly 11:00 last night a workout was NOT in the cards. My commitment is to work out at 5 times a week so I am still on course to do that I just missed last night. Hopefully I can squeeze a workout in before the game tonight.
Had a great boxing workout last night. It was interrupted right when I was really finding my groove, but it was still one of the best workouts I have had in a long time. I did a simple walk on the treadmill for my off day from C25k. Still nursing the knee, which is getting better, and C25K suggests a rest day between program days so I am using those to just walk to help with the knee. As I said yesterday I hurt my wrist Monday night. It sucks but I am dealing. Boxing stung a few times but I was careful. The real test will be Thursday when I do the tries again. Still stressed out and not having a great go at things in life but I am doing better on the workout. AND I got some exciting news: the Zombie 5K I am not getting to run in December is coming to DFW in March! The fact that it was in Austin was the biggest problem with me going. Since they added one in DFW I can most likely do that one. Plus, its during Spring Break! I'll let you know how that works out. I think I'm gonna get past the mud run first and see how that goes.
Did not work out Friday as that was family time and we got in super late. Did a good workout on Saturday on the treadmill and some tire work. Took Sunday off. Started Week 2 of C25K and did some tire work Monday. I had a horrible day Monday and thought it would be a good idea to channel my anger in to a workout. It was, but it backfired when I hurt my wrist. So far it is just annoying and is not slowing me down TOO much. Boxing and more tires on the agenda for this week.
I had an AWESOME workout last night. I did a solid 30 minutes of tire work and it felt great. I finally feel like I am getting back to my groove. I pushed myself last night and seriously almost puked. I am rounding out the weekend with some treadmill work and one more round of tires. I might throw some yard work in there as well if the weather allows. I will most likely do a single post on Monday for the whole weekend. Have a great weekend. See you Monday.
Had a really good run last night. I started over C25K. My knee was definitely feeling it but I muscled through. Did a little ab work after the run. Overall a pretty good day. Hitting the tires and treadmill again tonight. I am starting to back in the groove.
Had a decent tire workout last night. I am becoming increasingly aware how much I have slacked off over the last few months. I tried to run a bit but my knee revolted. I thought I could jump right back in to my Couch to 5K program where I left off...WRONG. I am going back to week 1. That puts me at week 8 for the mud run, which works. By the end of week 8 I SHOULD be about to do the run just fine. This is due as much to my knee and the fact that I have backslid so much. I am upset with myself that I got so far behind, but I did it and I am owning it and moving on. Either doing abs or boxing tonight.
I aggravated my I'm-31-and-have-been-at-least-100-lbs-overweight-for-most-of-my-life kneed injury helping my friend move this weekend so no workout once again. I am sure you are beginning to ask yourself "Why is he blogging about training for this mud run when he actually has not done anything productive since he started doing this?" Well, that is a good question. The answer would be accountability. I am holding myself accountable for the good and the bad. I am also hoping that the continued posting of how craptasticly awful I am doing will inspire me to do better. Here's hoping.
Still not a great end of the week. However, Saturday (Day 56) I got a helluva workout helping my buddy move. I spent the whole day with some great friends and thought we did some hard work with the move I still had a great time. We spent the whole day quoting movies, making "that's what she said jokes", and just generally being a bunch of dorky guys. I even made a few new friends. I may not have gotten a lot of working out done this week, but I got some "emotional cardio" on Saturday. I feel much better about things right now and, weather permitting, I am back to it Monday.
I did tires last night. I did 30 minutes but my head was just not in it. You really can't go through the motions on those tires, but it was not a great workout. Still fighting insomnia and crazy head space. Hopefully I can salvage the rest of the week.
This is the beginning of a new series. This series will serve two purposes. The first is to force me to post more often. The second is to document my training for my mud run. On November 10th I am going to do the most difficult thing I have ever done. I am competing in the Might Mud Dash. It is an obstacle course 5K with 20 military-style obstacles... all in the mud. Watch the videos to see an example of some of the craziness I am about to put myself through. This is the culmination of my Fat Free Apocalypse and is really just to prove to myself that I can. The title serves as a countdown to the event. My plan is to post SOMETHING each day leading up to the event. Most of the time is will be a "review" of my workout the previous day. That being said... here is my first post.
My workout for 09/10: NOT A DAMN THING... I have been a bit stressed and depressed lately which has led to me getting very little sleep. Due to that I have been crashing out way early instead of working out. The way I see it, if I am falling asleep trying to eat dinner I clearly need the rest. I am trying to find ways to get my sleep patterns back on track and force the workouts. Hopefully tonight will be better.
