Previously in The Captain: Rebirth....I lost a lot of weight, felt really good about myself, and was preparing to run an obstacle course 5K. Then I had to have knee surgery and it all came crashing down.
Issue #2 - 2013: The Pity Party
2012 ended on a number of sour notes. However during the last week of the year my wife and I found out we were having a baby. We were both very excited. As 2013 began I was firmly rooted in a depression as a result of my knee injury and subsequent surgery. I treated that depression like anyone would: I ate all the things. I was an emotional Baskin Robbins with 31 flavors of feelings. Of course all this accomplished was undoing all the hard work I had done the previous year. I basically coasted through 2013 feeling sorry for myself. The only good thing that came out of it was in my search for post-op workout options I found DDP Yoga. Someone suggested yoga so I started looking around for yoga I could tolerate. I am a huge wrestling fan and enjoyed doing Rushfit with GSP so the idea of something similar from one of my favorite wrestlers was very intriguing. I borrowed the DVDs and did a few of the workouts and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Since then I have had countless false starts at completing the program but I am definitely a fan.
Health and fitness were a major problem in 2013 but professionally things were really improving. I started presenting at professional conferences and making a lot of new connections. This led to me leaving the job I had been with for 7 years for a new opportunity. This was a very exciting development. I started that job in August and was optimistic that I had found a new home. That would not exactly be the case but that is a story for later. This new job introduced me to a whole new area of my profession of which I was previously unaware. I became engrossed in all things Google. I have been a fan of Google products for a long time but I had never looked under the hood. The school district I was with used Google Apps for Education and our director was big on professional development. I did not know I was getting my first taste of what would later be the driving force of my career.
As if the pity party and career change were not enough we had a baby on the way to add to the mix. We spent most of the year planning and preparing for his arrival. Doctor's appointments, rearranging bedrooms, and learning all about things I never really wanted to know about ( I somehow missed all that fun with my first two kids). We anxiously awaited Labor Day, which was both the day my wife went in to labor and the holiday. She did not find this funny. So Blake arrived and the remainder of 2013 is kind of a blur because sleep was not on the agenda.
This update does not have much detail in it because quite frankly I felt so sorry for myself for most of the year and this post reflects how much I did to take care of myself. A year after my surgery and I was no better off than I was a year before the surgery. In the next installment we will explore the age old battle of man vs. baby and sleep continues to be a jerk and elude me.
This blog will get its full relaunch in January but to prepare and bring everyone up to speed I will close out 2015 with a 4-issue mini series establishing the new status quo (though a lot of this has been covered in previous posts). With that, here is issue #1 - 2012: Progress and Pain
We begin with the TARDIS controls set to 2012. Early that year I entered a Biggest Loser contest at work. I had done so once before but did not really do much. This time I was all in. I had recently found the app LoseIt and was tracking my food and my workouts but had not really used it much. I began tracking everything and lost over 30 pounds during the contest. I did lose the contest but I was very proud of my progress. My workout of choice was GSP Rushfit and the Couch to 5K program. I was working out 6 days a week and running almost every day and got down close to 250lbs. I was able to run non stop for 10 minutes which is an AMAZING accomplishment for me. I will admit that I let things slip a bit over that summer but stayed the course.
Since I was completing the Couch to 5K program I figured I should sign up for a race. I started looking for local races and discovered the crazy world of obstacle course races. I started doing some research and found the Mighty Mud Dash was being held near me in November. I was immediately hooked and started training to run the race. I got to within a month of the race and tragedy struck. I had been experiencing a lot of pain and popping in my left knee but I was trying to muscle through it. The pain reached an apex when I fell off the treadmill. My wife and I decided it was time to go to the doctor. I went to the doctor and they sent me for an MRI and referred me to an orthopedic specialist. The specialist gave me to bad news: I had torn my left medial meniscus and would need surgery to fix it....and the race was off.
I was devastated. I had worked so hard for so long and just when the goal was in sight it was taken away. Early November 2012 I had surgery to repair my damaged knee and spent the rest of the year setting up decorations for what would become and VERY long pity party. 2012 did end on a pleasant note, however. A day or so after Christmas my wife and I found out we were having a baby! If this were a comic book this would be the last panel where my wife and I are looking at the pregnancy test with a tease for the next issue.
And here is the preview for the next issue. As 2013 begins I am faced with many new challenges, changes, and a chance to overcome the setback of late 2012. How will I handle all these new things in my life? Found out in Issue #2 - 2013: The Pity Party. Spoiler alert: not well.
Lets start with a little background. I relaunched this blog back in 2012 to document my fitness routine after my son told me I was too fat to be a Power Ranger. You can go back and look at the backlog for all of that. Then this happened: Knee Surgery Post. Then a whole lot of nothing to back up all that posturing. Then this happened: More of the Same BS. Now it is just over a year after my knee surgery and I have let everything go and then some. 2012 might as well have not happened. I have put back on more weight than I lost thanks to a big stinking pity party over my knee. I stepped on the scale the other day to see what the holidays had done to my already awful situation and I was crushed. I had broken a promise to myself. I swore I would never break 300 lbs again and last Monday morning I weighed in at 300.4. Letting myself go before was one thing but seeing that number on the scale was the last straw.
Back in 2012 I had decided that I wanted to do a mud run obstacle course 5K thing. I have never been a big fan of running and doing a 5K never really appealed to me. Then I heard about a zombie 5K and it sounded great. I wanted to do it with some friends but no one was really down and it was way out of town and it was just not a good thing. I found a MUCH closer run that was just an obstacle course and it looked so much fun. I decided it was the closest I would ever get to being on Ninja Warrior. Well my knee injury ended all that. I signed up for a few more runs after that but never went through with them for one reason or another. After a year of feeling sorry for myself I decided that the pity party ends NOW. Through a Groupon, a discount for canceling, and a New Year's sale I have signed up for 3 races this year. I will be doing The Survival Race on April 27th, Mud Factor on June 21st, and ending with Savage Race on September 13th. It just so happened that my first race is in 104 days, thus the lame attempt at a Phineas and Ferb joke to kick this off.
So what will I be doing to get in shape for this thing? Well, here is the basic plan: DDP Yoga, GSP RushFit, battle ropes (in my case an old firehose), tires, boxing, running programs Couch to 5K and Zombies, RUN!, my Fitbit Zip, and a number of fitness apps such as Runkeeper, LoseIt, and mapmyfitness. That sounds like a lot but hear me out. The main things I will be doing are the running programs, DDP Yoga, and RushFit. Those are my constants. When the weather balances back out I will be using a strength training routine I devised from hours of research utilizing battle ropes and tires. When I am not able to go outside to for that routine RushFit will serve as my strength training program as well as my go-to ab workout. Lastly, the boxing is because it is a helluva workout and SO much fun!
Over the next several weeks this blog will return to being a record of my fitness journey as well as covering some of the things I am using and why I am using them. It will be hard work but I have done it before and I know I can do it again. I know diet will be my biggest obstacle to overcome. My baby is starting to sleep through the night and is getting on a more regular schedule so that will help as well. I actually have the energy at the end of the day now to get a workout in. As long as I manage my time, manage my diet, and stay focused I should be just fine.
I am a horrible blogger. Let's just establish that right now. I have great intentions I just never seem to make the time to do it. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say. I have used this blog as mostly a fitness type thing. That is part of the reason that I have not had a new post since January.* I said in the January post that {bleep} was about to get real. Well, hang on tight because it is confession time. This will be one of the most personal posts I have ever written, but I need to clear the air. So, without further adieu...
Hi, I'm Christopher and I'm a poser/phony/liar/hypocrite/fraud/{insert similar synonyms here}
Now, you may be asking yourself why I am being so hard on myself. Because someone has to, and it is true. A little over a year ago I decided, not really sure why, that it was way past time to get in shape (besides round). I did really well. I was running every day and working out almost every day. My progress is well-documented on this blog. I slacked off during the summer, which is where the downward slide began. I used the excuse that it was too hot but that was exactly what it was. An excuse. And one of many. If you follow this blog closely, and God love you if you do because I am not sure I follow this blog very closely, this may all sound like deja-vu. It is. I made a similar post almost a year ago. This is going to be much more personal. Fast forward to October 2012. I was all geared up to do the Might Mud Dash in November. I'd had a nagging knee injury for months but I just thought it was because I have been fat longer than I haven't.** Turns out it was a torn meniscus. I had surgery, could not do the run, blah, blah, blah poor me. Check the back logs if you want to whole whiny epic.
I let me knee beat me. I used it as the ultimate crutch and excuse. I was afraid to push it again. Yoda is absolutely right. Fear led to anger that I lost so much progress. Anger led to me hating myself for allowing it to happen. Hate led to suffering a lot of depression. I have lost the pride I had found in how great I had done. I have lost the new-found respect I have developed. I am disappointed in myself for allowing this setback to undo all my hard work.
Now what does this have to do with my declaration of being a phony? Well I talk a big game about working out and training for runs and such and a year ago it was all true. Now, that is all it is. Talk. And cheap talk to boot. I a member of LoseIt, Fitocracy, Nexercise, Runkeeper, and MapMyRun. I have all these apps including Zombies, RUN! (in my defense of that one I am on the 5K Trainer version so no runs to track yet) on my phone and I don't use any of them. I drink 2 protein shakes a day and have a protein bar as a snack. That alone is almost 75 grams of protein a day not counting whatever else is in my food. You would think I work out three times a day with that much protein intake. You would be so wrong. I barely work out three time a WEEK. I have not had a decent workout really since before my surgery. I have tried and gone through the motions but my head and my heart have not been in it. I am letting a lot of external forces in that are zapping my motivation and drive.
Lets look at then vs now:
Then: worked out almost every day -- Now: barely workout at all
Then: watched what I ate very closely -- Now: eat whatever, whenever
Then: did not snack much if at all -- Now: munch off and on most of the night
Then: tracked everything I ate and all activities -- Now: barely keep track of anything
And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on. So what changed? My state of mind did. I used to come home from work, get in a quick run on the treadmill, make dinner, then go work out for an hour. Now I come home, make a snack, sit on my butt, make dinner, sit on my butt some more, and pretty much eat off and on until I decide to go to bed. I would have chips and salsa, candy, graze dinner leftovers, fruit (not often enough), ice cream. Hell, sometimes I will make a small sandwich at 11pm just because I am bored, my stomach growls, I can't find anything on TV to watch, and I just do not want to go to bed (that is a whole different issue). I know this all stems from my depression. I allowed my knee injury and surgery to get inside my head. Between the injury, the lost momentum, the stress over how much the surgery cost (my insurance sucks), and the usual stresses I deal with (work, money, etc.) I have stopped trying and accepted defeat. I have put on most, if not all the weight I lost last year. I am taking the easy way out of things. Such as I was going to do a 5K this month and I was all too happy to back out of it for a "family conflict."***
The point of all this is if I "walked" as much as I "talked" I would look like Ryan Reynolds by now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see because I know I let all of this happen. I tell myself that I should get back on track but then I start with all the reasons not to. It feels like a little voice in my head that keeps talking me out of doing anything. I have a skinny angel and a fat devil on my shoulders. The skinny angel says "Hey, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it!" The fat devil says "Or...you could get some chips and salsa and marathon Firefly." The fat devil usually wins. Here is a glimpse into my psyche when I think about working out. Warning: this is pretty much stream of consciousnesses...
i really should go for a run but it is cold outside cant run in the cold it makes my lungs hurt if i try to run too much i will hurt my knee more and it will be really bad i could go box in the fortress it is not that cold out there but it is kind of late and i ate a big dinner and i will get sick i could do the tires but again it is cold and it just rained so it is wet and it might rain again so better not risk it if i push myself too hard my knee with hurt again my knee hurts right now i better not push it i can start doing rushfit again on monday that will not work because i will not be home tuesday because james has a game and i wont be able to workout on thursday because i have to work late so why even start if i cant do it everyday i can try to adapt the program since i have completed it once before already and just do certain workouts and mix tires and boxing in around it i am really tired i have a cold my knee hurts i have to post the podcast i have to work on the yearbook i should really clean the kitchen and the boys room and the bathroom i think i need to cut my hair i need to see if there is an update on twitter or facebook look there is a new trailer for a comic book movie on youtube man i am hungry and really do not have anything else to do but i am not sure if i am really hungry or just bored but i really dont care because it will give me something to do i really hope steph does not hear the microwave go off because i dont want to explain that i am eating again since it is so late maybe i will just wait for her to go to bed but i really should not eat at 11 at night but if i am hungry i should eat something right
That is just a little bit about how my evening runs most of the time. I have gotten REALLY good at convincing myself that I should not work out. I love watching UFC and The Ultimate Fighter and I find inspiration in their training sessions as I sit on my butt and eat some more. I really do not like myself right now. The great irony is that my depression and stress are why I am allowing myself to not workout and eat all the time and the consequences of those actions are making me more depressed. I am hoping by airing all of this publicly it will help. I am not really sure what to do to get out of this current mental and emotional funk I am in but something needs to happen and happen soon. I just feel grey right now, much like the rain cloud about this paragraph. I'm a little black rain cloud but not in the cute Pooh kind of way. This is not a cry for help, this is not sympathy ploy, and this is not a pity party (at least I don't mean it to be). This is my coming clean with the {bleep} I have been slinging for the last 4 months. This is also about holding myself accountable.
I have been a member of Nerd Fitness for along time and thanks to the Facebook page I have discovered Project Reroll and have found a lot of inspiration from both sites. Steve has some really good articles and I need to go back and re-read some of them. Seriously, you need to check out the site. It is a great way to look at fitness, especially for the nerd community. If you like it, join the forums. I have tried completing the 6-week challenge and have not had the best luck with that. Quick shout-out to forum members surge_supra and jstanlick. They have been my biggest supporters in the challenges and I feel like I have let them down. They are good people. I have gone through the motions on most of it. I need pull the cartridge, blow on it, push it up and down, and try again. Baby steps...
Step 1: I actually quit drinking sodas (or cokes as we call it in Texas, even if it is not Coke). Not sure why, just did. I have not had a soft drink in over a month. Coffee, tea, and water. And non-sweetened tea when possible****
Step 2: I am actively running again and I am working on running with proper form this time. As of this writing I have run once, but I did it with proper form and it was a major difference. My legs hurt like never before from running but I am a big fan of the benefits this new form is bringing.
So, in closing, I am going to evaluate things, find my mojo/inspiration/motivation/etc. and try to live up to the persona I am trying to convey. Honestly, part of my disliking of myself right now is related to the fact that I feel like I am deceiving everyone. I am going to come up with a new plan and will post my strategy for "Project Reset Button". Huzzah!
\m/ IS NO TRY \m/
*I REALLY need to stop posting about posting more often. It seems the more I do that the less I end up actually posting anything.
**Yes, I am using the word FAT. I am not using obese, overweight, or any other PC term... I AM FAT. And yes this is self-deprecating but it is tough love on my part. Just go with it.
***This is a legit conflict, don't get me wrong. But I still could have said I had a 5K to do that morning.
****There is no such thing as UNsweet tea. It comes that way. There is not process that removes the sweet from tea. It is tea or sweet tea. If you need a distiction say NON-sweetened tea.
I have decided to take this blog in a much more personal direction. When I launched it I did not intend on it being a fitness blog, but it has become that. That will most likely be its primary function with other stuff sprinkled it. As it relates to the fitness stuff I am going to stop pulling punches, so to speak, and start being more honest and open about everything. I am shooting for one post per week right now. I really want to post more often but I have a lot of things on my plate right now. Stay tuned and bring the tissues.
So I "finished" the beginner program of Rushfit. I use quotes because I actually did not complete all of weeks 7 and 8. Life got in the way. I decided that in lieu of spinning my wheels to do every single workout and continually having to adjust my schedule I decided to cut my losses and call the Beginner program done. Plus, I am really anxious to get in to the Intermediate program. It's the same exercises, just a slightly more intense schedule.
I am taking this week off, as recommended, to prepare for the next step. I am doing some light cardio work and finishing my Fortress of Solitude*. When I start the next program I am going to follow it much more closely and really step up my cardio. I am going to do the Couch to 5K program along with Rushfit. I figure I am on the treadmill anyway, why not? Below you will find before and after pics and stats. I am using the same after pics and stats for the before of the Intermediate program. Later this week I will have a video post with my review of the whole program and the tools I am using to assist me in my mission.
Stats
At the beginning of the program, you are asked to do a fitness assessment and measurements. Below are my results.
So last week I hit a wall with my workout. For some reason my motivation was GONE. I have been going hard core for 5 weeks and once I hit week 6 i just hit a wall. I talked to come friends and did some internal searching and I think I figured out what the problem was: I could not get out of my own head.
I did an update for 4 weeks which was half way through my program. I was not seeing the numbers I thought I should have and I was suddenly feeling like it was no longer worth it. I got up inside my dead and was psyching myself out. I have since realized that I was being stupid and it did not matter. I also Tweeted/Facebooked my plight to @GSPRushfit and for about an hour or so I became a Twitter celebrity. There was such an influx of support from random people on Twitter. It was humbling. No one said anything overly profound or motivational, it was just having the support from total strangers that kicked me back in to high gear.
I think part of my problem is that I weigh in every day. I have a 1/10 pound scale so I can see every change. That is good and bad. I know some people do not even weigh in or they only do out of curiosity. I am sure there is a split on each side of the fence for that. For me, it helps. It does motivate me and it helps me know what causes me to gain and lose. At the same time I was hoping for more dramatic losses by the numbers than I have seen. I understand the biology behind it and know that muscle weighs more than fat and this program is definitely building muscle. That does not always help. I am focusing on the inches and physical results over the actual weight numbers and I am doing great. I have two weeks left on this run. I am taking a couple of weeks off Rushfit after I finish to focus on my cardio. I have just about finished my homemade equipment and will have pictures posted soon. For now I am still pushing through and having fun. Can't wait for the end of week 8 to see where I am on my measurements and such.
Short update today. Working on a few projects at home. I have a 4-day weekend coming up so I have some time to play around with some stuff. I am closing in on the end of Level I of Rushfit. I have three weeks left. Between now and the beginning of Level II I am trying to get some more equipment. I am looking to add the following items:
Total for these items is $277. I am not spending $277. My using items around the house and some pseudo dumpster-diving I am going to be able to make all the items listed above for less than $50 (I think maybe even less than $30). I will post updates as I finish things. Short version:
Dummy = old carpet (wrapped in duck tape)
Uppercut bag = 50 lbs of play sand and old clothes in an old duffle bag. (possibly wrapped in duck tape)
Double End Bag = kids bounce ball (wrapped in duck tape)
I am really excited to get my "gym" finished. I have considered an actual MMA gym, but since I have no plans to actually fight anyone and I am just doing this for fun I see no need to pay expensive gym fees and the gas to get there (closest gym is 30 miles away). I will post pictures when everything is done.
I have about half of THIS built, but I can't seem to figure out exactly how to finish it. With everything else I am making, it is not that big a deal.
I found some good videos on YouTube that highlight the workout I have been doing.
It has been intense, but fun. This one is my favorite:
I was not in any kind of shape when I started this and was able to do this program. It is hard, but there are plenty of modifications available. I definitely prefer this over P90X or Insanity. It seems more approachable and I like that GSP does the workout with you. Several times it is said "If Georges is have a problem doing this, there is not shame if you are."
SIDE NOTE: Some friends and I have started a podcast. Too Nerdy For TV. We are having some hosting issues but the first episode is available for download. It will be properly posted and on iTunes soon. Give it a listen. Thanks
Here are my before and after pics after 4 weeks. I have also included some links to what I have been using to workout. Equipment, resources, etc.
Click to enlarge. Before on the left, after on the right
Click to enlarge. Before on the left, after on the right
Click to enlarge. Before on the left, after on the right
As you can see, after only 4 weeks there is a definite progress. As I said previously, I am half way through the beginner program. Below are some links to things that I use to help me along.
Program -
As I said before I am using GSP Rushfit. All that is required is a set of dumb bells. I use a set of 5s and 8s. Start small. Trust me. Its about the reps, not the weight.
Motivations and Advise -
A great resource, at least for me, is Nerd Fitness. It is an interesting approach to fitness.
Tracking progress -
The best app out there for tracking your progress is by far LoseIt. It is vital to my success.
\m/
PS: This what I plan to reward myself with. If I hit 100 lbs each side plate will have the engraved, and instead of CHAMPION, it will say IS NO TRY. Not sure what I will do if I alter the goal to account for muscle gain. It is available from Title Boxing.
Back in January, I started the Georges St. Pierre (@GeorgesStPierre) RUSHFIT (@GSPRushfit) program. It is very similar to P90X and Insanity. I knew I needed to get in shape. Not even back in shape as I have never really been in shape to begin with. I did some homework and found RUSHFIT to be the best fit for me (no pun intended). I do not find the trainer to be annoying like Tony Horton and the program seemed much more approachable than others of it kind. Also, I am a big UFC fan and was intrigued by GSP doing the workout. I have completed the first half of the beginner program. I followed the program as best I could with my crazy schedule. I may not have done every workout the day it said to, but I did every workout for the week. I finished all but one workout (I got overheated) and it has been a major challenge. I would like to talk about why I decided to do this.
It is kicking my fat butt!!!
I have always been a big guy. I did what most big guys do, I developed a good sense of humor. I made them laugh with me not at me. I also developed a rather self-deprecating sense of humor. Make fun of myself so they can't make fun of me. I have been like this for as long as I can remember. Back in 2007 I hit 320 lbs. It did not bother me at that point because I was in a really bad marriage and my weight was not something I really cared about. Shortly after my (now ex-)wife and I started divorce proceedings and I sunk in to a deep depression. This was the end of June. Around September a friend made mention of how much weight I had lost. I got on a scale and had lost over 40 lbs. in less than three months. My weight continued to fluctuate over the next several years. I had lost a total of 60 lbs. on "The Divorce Diet" but slowly gained most of it back.
Last year my son and I were playing and I was told that I was "too fat to be a Power Ranger." Now I know he did not mean it, but it hurt. So I started working out. I used the LoseIt app to track my calories in and out and did really well. Then life happened and I stopped working out and tracking my meals and such. I use the excuse that I had to get an Android phone and at the time there was no Android app, but I could have made it work. I made myself a promise the day I was dubbed "too fat to be a Power Ranger" that I would never break 300 lbs. again. I tracked my weight off and on and always made sure that stayed true, but was not really trying. I tried boxing right before my wife and I divorced and LOVED it. I was always a wrestling fan and boxing seemed to be a cool way to work out. I also am a huge UFC fan, which is what attracted me to Rushfit.
I am not sure what led me to get things going now. It's not a New Year's Resolution. I have been planning this for a few months and would have started back before the holidays but it was the holidays and we were travelling a lot, and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I joke that just in case the world ends in December this is my last chance to be in shape. I call it my "fat free apocalypse". I just finally found some motivation to make a change in my life. In the last month I have lost about 10 lbs and around 3 inches on my waist. I have a goal to reward myself when I hit 220 lbs. since that is 100 lbs. below my heaviest. I have since realized that I am building a good deal of muscle so I am not sure when I will reward myself. I will make that decision when the time comes. In the mean time I am going to keep plugging away and take my lead from Master Yoda...
